dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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