Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
