And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
