His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
