I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Small penises have feelings too.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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