Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
