and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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