I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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