I wish I could punch you in the face.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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