i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i out mim tonsoeep
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