Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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