I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
