You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We don't watch enough power rangers
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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