I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
