I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
