Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just gift wrapped bread.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
