Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I pour the whiskey from now on
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
