Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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