I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
