Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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