Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
