she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize