i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
