idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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