When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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