This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
