This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize