a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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