I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
