She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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