Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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