They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
