I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
