who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
