I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
