My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize