The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
