I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize