love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
