We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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