She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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