How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
