I think I died a long time ago.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
