idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
