Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
