i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
