Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Let's get the cat blown out
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
