I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
