I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
