She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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