Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
