Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
