If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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