dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
