I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
