You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
