i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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