He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
