not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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