I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
zippers are such a cool invention
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
