We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize