seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
