You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
