I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
