would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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