I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
