This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
