He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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