He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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