: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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