I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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