I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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