there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
