you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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