she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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