is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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