I will die if light touches me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
