I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
